learn to live with it!

I grew up in a rural small town.  Then, for the last three years I've lived at a rural farm in the Colombian mountains.  I'm not used to city noise, I'm used to space, and I've never lived in an apartment building before this month.

There is a child in our building who cries and whines and screams about 80% of the time.  Sometimes he/she wakes me up at odd hours with the concert.  I think there are several probable reasons for this behavior:
1. children sometimes cry and scream (but not that much)
2. she's spoiled?
3. her parents don't respect her need to sleep (I've heard her screaming long after I'm in bed and again before I'd like to be awake... would still be sleeping if it weren't for the crying...)
4. her family bothers her, instead of letting her be a child?
We've gotten much more used to it though.  Now, when we walk into the building and, as if on cue, hear the wail start up from the fourth floor, we look at each other and laugh incontrollably.

Another thing we've gotten used to was a shock at first: sharing a single bed.  The woman who lent us the apartment is single, and there's really not room for a larger bed, since it's a studio-type space.  At first it was uncomfortable; we were afraid to move and wake up the other, we have different sleeping positions, it's hard to share a single sheet...
But now it's the norm!  We've learned to put two twin sheets on the bed to have enough.  Plus, I'm a cuddler, and now he has to be!

Something else that's different here is the health system.  "Why are you learning about the health system on your honeymoon?" That's an excellent question.  We went for a checkup with Julio's gastroenterologist, who discovered several small gallstones in my otherwise-healthy husband!  Since then we've been in private clinics and the public hospital more times than I can count this month... mostly waiting.  In Colombia I thought I had learned to be much more patient with things like banks and doctors offices... but this takes the cake.  I know nothing about waiting, compared to Venezuelans.
Basically, there's no way to get rid of gallstones other than operating to take out the gall bladder... so we're planning a surgery for June, and praying that God does a miracle to get rid of the stones, and learning how to eat for gall bladder health (no beans, nothing fried, elimiate as many fats and oils as possible, eat as many fruits and veggies as possible, but not that cause gases...)

I, on the other hand, have kidney stones!  Since my dad is an expert (with plenty of personal experience) I'm following his recommendations, and in the meantime thankful that I don't have any pain.  

So here we are in Venezuela.  This is our last week, and then it's off on another adventure:  Argentina and Chile!

Honeymoon and Culture Shock

Julio and I have been in Venezuela just over two weeks now.  When we first arrived, we went to an amazing bed and breakfast called “Mi refugio” (my refuge), run by a Swedish lady.  Ample and airy, the room was lit by fresh sunshine, and we awoke to birdsong.  The owner cooked for us, and we were the only guests there at the time.  Some days, we walked up to the nearby national park, La Mucuy, to play in the creek and relax on boulders under old trees.  Everything was perfect!

After our week there, it was time to move down to the city, where our plan has been to spend the month visiting with his family, friends, and church.  Since it’s carnaval/ferias time, it was really difficult to find an apartment available (and reasonably priced).  Thankfully, a young woman from Julio’s church offered hers to us, and we moved in.  
The space is very different from “My Refuge.”  The third-floor windows open up to the hallway, so the light that enters is diffused after making its way down from the fifth-floor central opening.  Fully furnished, it’s a bit cramped, and the shift from open spaces and bucolic silence to downtown and neighbor noise, plus bringing our bags into another person’s already-full, notably petite, apartment, was a surprise.  I had to laugh as I barely squeezed past Julio to grab my toothbrush: this space will require us to learn a delicate dance, to keep organized, and possible to resolve some conflicts!
Because the gas has never been hooked up, we can’t use the cute (and new!), four-burner stove and oven.  In its place, the owner has an electric hotplate, and an electric Foreman-style grill.  Julio’s mom invites us to eat lunch at her place, so we bus down there and back.  (Lunch is the big meal here, you may remember.)  One day, we decide to cook for his family, but without an oven my possibilities are limited.  Julio finally suggests pasta with chicken and vegetables, which I love, but I feel insecure about whether or not it’s “acceptable” for his family.  We walked down to the house that day, stopping along the way to buy fruits and veggies, and at the butcher shop for the chicken.  

Everywhere we go, Julio sees someone he knows.  They usually give me a kiss on the cheek as if we’d met each other before, and I often can’t distinguish their names, but say “Mucho gusto,” It’s nice to meet you.  Then they talk for a while about people or things I don’t know about, and we continue on our way, me quietly asking Julio who that was and how they know each other.  
The butcher has chicken breast filets, if I understand correctly, and the price doesn’t seem to make sense to me (too many exchange rates in my head, perhaps?).  Then he asks if we want it cut, but I thought it was filleted, but it looks like whole breasts, so we just buy it like that to cut at the house.  
We start working on the meal, and talking with his sister, when his mom comes in all worked up about something and fussing at the sister.  Their bickering increased my stress about the meal anyways, and during lunch I felt like crying, but didn’t.  
Later, back at our apartment, I told Julio about how I was feeling.  I don’t know where I am, nor how to get from point A to point B alone.  I don’t know anyone outside of Julio and his family and friends that he introduces to me.  I know the language, but the accent is different from Bogotá, and a lot of times I don’t understand what people say.  I feel helpless and dependent in the midst of so many unknowns.  On top of that, I struggle with finding acceptation through what I do, and I want to make a good impression on his family and friends.  This is culture shock and it hits my weak points, unable to hide them.  
“Maybe this is why we needed to come to the city, and not stay at ‘My Refuge’ anymore,” said Julio.  
We enjoy the perfect times, and rest in them, but we don’t grow as much, I’d say.  

Since then, I received an email with a thought-provoking question.  “Emily, do you feel ‘married’ yet?  Has the chip switched from ‘I’ to ‘we’?  Is it worth it to be away from home – neither in Colombia nor North Carolina – in this beginning stage?”
This query made me realize that the wonderful thing about this honeymoon culture shock is that I desperately NEED Julio here.  I can’t leave the apartment and go somewhere else on my own, get away from it all and be the single, independent woman that I’m so used to being… because I don’t know how to alone, and besides, where would I go?  
The psalmist says, “Whom do I have in Heaven but You (God)?”
I say, “Whom do I have in Venezuela but my husband?”

We're getting married in two weeks!!!!

my week

Julio is in Venezuela.  He left like, a week ago, and I miss him.  Hopefully he'll be back by Wednesday.

I picked up my wedding dress!
I ordered my bouquet!
We've bought our tickets to go to Venezuela after the wedding, and later, to Argentina and Chile!
I need to call the potential caterer!

My dad and 3 other folks from their church were in Colombia for 12 days, visiting remote areas to meet people and see how little bitty Moncure Baptist Church can get involved with local pastors to help tell stories about a God who loves them and wants them to know him.
I got to spend Thursday with the group; it was a treat to get to chat with my father on buses, as if he had just popped into Colombia for a routine visit!

preparing the heart to let go

Julio and I went to NC for three weeks.
While I was gone, J. was really nice to Bibi.
As soon as I got back, he started being bratty again.
A week later, Bibi went to Venezuela for twelve days.
J. had a really bad attitude with me almost all the time that she was gone.
He asked me if, as soon as Bibi got back, I was going to leave.  I told him no.
She arrived yesterday, to everyone's delight.
At bedtime, she went to pray with J., and he started being really mean to her, insisting that he wanted me to tuck him in, even though she had been gone for two weeks.  With tears in his eyes, he said, "But Emily's leaving tomorrow!!!"

That explains a lot about his attitude.


I've been having a hard time emotionally, knowing that I'm preparing to leave.
I know I have to trust God to keep taking care of the kids, and I do trust Him...  but still, I love them all and it is, and will be, difficult to let go.  I'm thankful that Julio and I will have a few months outside of Colombia after the wedding, because even if we were closeby, we wouldn't be allowed to visit Kiwi House for a while, to help with the transition (for everyone: the kids, Bibi, any new staff in the house, and myself).  Nothing will make the letting go easy, but it will be a bit easier to not be close enough that not visiting seems like rejection or discipline.

Even as I'm praying for God to help us all with this transition, I find myself crying as he answers the prayers for new people to help in Kiwi House, and for the children to accept them.  I find myself crying as I see the work God's doing, and the work that is still to be done.  I find myself crying because I'm leaving, and crying because it's still not time to leave:

Living in the tension of the present, the waiting, the going-but-not-yet-gone, has always been difficult for me.

I also find myself laughing more at the silly, everyday stuff.  I find myself smiling more as I listen to and talk with the four of them.  And, I find myself enjoying their company more intentionally.

New Song

He has given me a new song to sing,

    a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see what he has done and be amazed.   
They will put their trust in the Lord.

(Psalm 40:3)

A healthy, seven-year-old boy bikes around the house on a sunny Saturday morning, inventing songs for Jesus as he pedals through the mountain grass.

Four years ago, this same boy was often seen alone in his neighborhood streets at night, entering into bakeries to demand bread for his hungry belly.  

God has truly put a new song in his mouth and heart, just as He has done and is doing with so many children that Formando Vidas (Shaping Lives) works with... and many other organizations all around the world!  (Good Shepherd's Fold in Uganda, for example).

And this is one of my prayers for their lives:  That many will see what God has done, be amazed, and put their trust in the Lord!

truth is power

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”  -John 8:31-32

A while back I wrote about this verse, too, about how we often hear verse 32 out of its context:  You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.
But first, we must 1. hold to Jesus' teaching  and 2. be his true disciples (living and growing in becoming more like him).

Last night, we had a special time of worship and fellowship with the ministry team.  Bibi and Julio's church often sends short-term missions teams, and right now part of the worship team is here for two weeks, helping in different areas of the ministry, painting the Oaks House, and last night, facilitating this space for us to connect with God and with each other out of our routine.
As the words of songs familiar and not washed over me, I started declaring my belief:  that I can, and will see the Spirit at work in and through me.  That, to those who believe in Jeses, rivers of living water will flow out from within.  ... Even if I mess it up? (yes)  Despite my mistakes (yes) and losing my temper (yes) and not living in the Spirit (yes) and by the Spirit's fruit in my life?  YES.
Because I've been giving my natural self more power than what I've been giving to the Spirit and to Jesus' blood.  And in so doing, I was giving the devil a foothold, more power than he deserves!

One of our teens has recently experienced a lot of fear: not being able to sleep, waking up at night feeling like someone is in her room... Fear paralyzes us, and gives our spiritual enemy power over us.  But holding to Jesus, and claiming the truth of the power of His blood, frees us to live fully.

Jesus was our ultimate example of living in the Spirit.  Let's not believe the lie that "it was easy for him because he's God!" -- because he willingly put off his Godhood and took on the form of a man, and became obedient to all that affects mankind.  And yet, Jesus learned to live completely dependent on His Father, and to live in the Spirit... that mysterious "living in the Spirit"... Jesus knew that he needed God and that he couldn't live in a way to please God without utterly depending on Him, and staying in constant contact with the Father, listening to the Spirit.

...I long for that.