My ankles are swollen and we couldn't travel to visit our friends today.
My husband can't be on a joint bank account with me because he's not a U.S. citizen or resident, and therefore doesn't have a social security number.
I got a letter from the U.S. Department of State saying that the authenticated, apostilled copy of my marriage certificate isn't valid to process my new passport with my name change. We leave for Chile in 2 weeks and I currently don't have a passport. Changing our tickets would cost $600. Today is Saturday and no one is working at the passport agency, to answer my call. The passport agency is 6 hours away.
I do not respond full of grace when my carefully crafted plans fall through.
I do not like it. I do not like to accept it. There MUST be a loophole for me. I MUST be able to travel and do all that we've planned, without exception.
Just over a week ago, we missed our flight out of DFW. "How, Emily?" you may ask. "Were you on a tight schedule with a connecting flight? Did you have some airline or airport-caused problems checking in?"
No. We were eating when we should have been boarding, and arrived too late to the gate. So we watched our plane take off without us.
There was nothing I could do. I couldn't reason with the lady to get the airline to make an exception for us and not finishing closing the aircraft so that we could board. All I could do was ask what our options were and then cry, frustrated, while my uber-calm husband laughed at my overreaction.
The thing is, just one week before missing the flight, I had a good reminder of my competitive personality and my lie that "everything is going to work out perfectly for me, always." As I prepared for, and then taught, on the "Competitive Personality Profile" for a seminar at a church in Tyler, TX, I remembered so many instances in which I always assumed that I would win. I couldn't make a B in highschool civics. I couldn't turn in a math worksheet incomplete in elementary school, so I cheated (going against my personal no-cheating policy). Even when my first boyfriend relationship in college wasn't working out, I couldn't allow myself to "walk out on this," because if I started it, I'm gonna finish it. Failure is not an option. Imperfection = Failure. [robot voice: Must Acheive. Perfection or Death. Do Not Display Weakness.]
Since I studied, and even taught, now God took advantage of a situation (missing a plane) as a learning moment. Thanks, Dad. "What will my daughter, Emily, do and think now? Can she put into practice what she's been preaching?"
It took a while. I had to go cry and pray in a bathroom stall, but then it started getting better.
I had to DECIDE to forgive myself for the dozen tiny decisions that led to missing our flight, and I had to recognize that I was not solely responsible for this: both of us had agreed upon what we would do (go find food before we boarded). I also had to DECLARE my trust in God, even though things got out of my hands... I had to GIVE UP CONTROL, realizing that I'm not infallible, and learning to ENJOY MY MISTAKES (which still blows my mind).
At least I can tell the story now without feeling embarrassed.
(By the way, we got to NC 5 hours later than planned, but somehow didn't have to pay any fee, and they even gave us meal vouchers! A Father's reward for his trusting children, wanting to grow?)
