Our friends went home this weekend. Went, and aren't coming back within the foreknow-able future. Home, to England.
Today was the parent visit.
Today is also Mother's Day.
That's a lot of emotions.
I cried, kind of a lot.
Wanna know the hardest thing for me today? I don't know how to do what I do. I don't know how to be, and at the same time not be, mom.
And I can't imagine being a kid and not knowing who to give my school-made mother's day project to. Which mom?
And when I am present, and the biological mom is present, what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to react? Interact? And when our son gashes his head open... it's not my role to take care of him, because she's there. So I wash dishes and cry in the corner by the sink. And she probably thinks I'm cold and neglecting.
Plus, I'm a single mom. Well, my housemate is my co-mom, plus the biological moms... man it's complicated! These kids need dads, too!
And in church, when the pastor invited all the mothers to stand up, I didn't know what to do.
I don't think I like this day very much, being and not being, mom.
3 comments:
Oh, precious Sister in the Lord. I can only imagine, and maybe empathize, a little. I pray for you and can only remember that God is not limited to a box, because He is merciful AND just. And though He has a model for families, He says He places orphans in families. And His families don't fit in the box. This, too, will pass, but... for now, may the Comforter wrap His arms around you.
em, i thought about you a lot on mother's day. you put so much effort, sacrifice and love into mothering these kids! i can't imagine the emotions you felt yesterday. i prayed for you and little J a lot. love you, sister (there should be a sister's day... we would be able to celebrate that)!
I appreciated this. I love you. Can't wait to see you!
Post a Comment