A friend just sent me this link: http://www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/ to a blog about a book by a missionary in Uganda, and this is from the most recent blog entry:
"I want her to be a baby so I can strap her on me and hold her there and she will feel secure and safe and protected. I want to be the person who taught her to write her name and how much fun it is to make mud pies, and I want to be the person who laughed with her when she lost her first tooth. I want to know where the scars came from that she can’t remember the stories about, and I want to be the person who wiped her tears when she fell.
But I know that is not how God intended it.
He did not choose me for those moments, He chose me for these. I entered motherhood through a different door, and I get a different kind of stretch marks."
This resonates with me. I would add, "I want to be the one to contiue to live each step of the journey, each stage of this wonderful, awfully painful, beautiful, forever-surprising journey called life with him/her. I want to be able to say 'you are my son/daughter' without the doubt that one day this will end; that legal situations or living arrangements may change, although my heart won't."
I entered motherhood through a different door, alright. And my stretch marks may seem out of place, but they are beautiful scars that I will cherish as they increase in number and size throughout our lives.
2 comments:
oh Emily, you made me cry. And I have a love/hate relationship with kissesfromkatie. She's awesome, but makes me feel not "enough" and so I tend to avoid her blog for months at a time, and then someone sends me the link again, and I go read and cry and feel an undefined yearning.
so lovely, em. so true and so lovely.
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