Self-defense

Not defending my viewpoint, my actions, or myself... it's so difficult for me.
I'm sure I'm not alone.
Comparing myself ... to you, or that guy over there, or the lady in the grocery store... comparing myself doesn't help, doesn't change the problem, doesn't calm arguments.
A gentle word turns away anger.  But...
In order to give a gentle word, my anger and self-defense must first be deflected, right?

Admitting our short-comings takes away their power over us.  Just like giving sin it's name takes it out of hiding and begins to weaken the death-grip.
I have a problem with always wanting to be right.  And with defending myself in that right-ness.

The thing is, it isn't my "rightness" -- but my self-defense -- that is all wrong.  My approach is only self-serving, self-covering, self-justifying.

And recognizing that my rightness, or my approach to it, is resoundingly wrong... is not enough.
Recognition of the problem is important, but it can't end there.
For a while, I have correctly recognized false beliefs -- for example, "If someone doesn't recognize or admit that I'm right, or that I'm doing x,y or z well, correctly, the best way possible... then my value is lessened.  Therefore, I must defend myself tooth and nail, in order to defend my worth." That's a lie, but I bought into it -- but recognizing the false belief isn't all it takes to be free!

So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, “ If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”

In John 8:31-32 there are three distinct steps to being FREE (from the lies I've believed):
1. believe in Jesus
2. continue in his Word
3. know the Truth, and be free

I've only been walking half-way through this process, so it's no wonder that I haven't felt "free indeed."  I believe in Jesus, I read and study the Word, and I often recognize my problems, but I haven't combated them with the Truth found in the Word, committed that Word-Truth to heart, and applied it on a daily basis.

So, someone doesn't appreciate my brilliance and right-ness?  Someone doesn't value all that I do or say as I wish they would?  Someone doesn't respect me?  That doesn't take away my inherent, God-breathed identity and worth.  And I can back it up with this Word-Truth:

But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ... and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith...
(Phil. 3:7-9)

And for each false belief that's been keeping me from living in the freedom Jesus came to give... there is a Word-Truth that the Holy Spirit wants to give me.  It's time to say "no" to my self-defense, and "yes" to this Truth.  It's time to make a habit of reciting it to myself in the moments I feel attacked, or want to attack others.

refuge

Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge.

I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord: apart from you I have no good thing."

As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.

The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods.

I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips.

Lord you have assigned me my portion and my cup (you are my portion); you have made my lot secure.

The boundary lines have falled for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.


I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.


I have set the Lord always before me.  Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.


Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure,


because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay.


You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence (in your presence is fullness of joy), with eternal pleasures at your right hand.



Psalm 16.
Not the one I was looking for today, but definitely something I needed to read.  To let soak in.  To receive.
"Apart from you I have no good thing."  not one. not my friends, not my family, not my fiance, not the kids, not this ministry and vision, not even the sun to warm me... apart from Jesus, nothing is good.  with Jesus, even the struggles lead to something good.  beauty for ashes.  gladness for mourning.  laughter for tears.  life for death.
You are my portion.  and you are enough.  more than enough.  sufficient.  abundant.  overflowing. never-running-out.  
The boundary lines have fallen for in in pleasant places.  Surely I have a delightful inheritance.  and not by chance.  surely you, oh God, have chosen an inheritance that is delightful, and boundary lines that are pleasant for me.  your will and your plans are not only perfect and good, but also pleasing and agreeable.
I will praise the Lord!
I will not be shaken
my heart is glad
my tongue rejoices
my body also will rest secure
...for in you I take refuge
in your presence is fullness of joy.




His presence IS the blessing.  I need to receive what's already mine: fullness of joy, security, stability, peace, every good thing, the assurance that God holds the outcome in his hands, and that even as he allows difficulties, it is to work them into a beautiful redemption in our lives.