"Lord willin' and the creek don't rise..."

I like the Arab/Muslim custom of finishing off sentences that propose future actions with the phrase "insha'allah." If Allah wills it. It's such a great tribute to the fact that we have no control over our actions in any moment other than the one in which we currently find ourselves. I wish that the habit of saying, "Lord willing" were more common in our society, so I didn't feel like such a country bumpkin or self-righteous prig when I really want to emphasize my lack of authority.
Of course, most of the time I glibly make my plans and assume that everything and everyone involved will fall in line.
We are not going to Ocracoke Island, due to uncontrollable circumstances, namely, births and deaths. Big bummer for all of us... it nearly ruined my morning.

[Look here, you people who say, "Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit." How do you know what will happen tomorrow? For your life is like the morning fog -- it's here a little while, then it's gone. What you ought to say is, "If the Lord wants us to , we will live and do this or that." James 4:13-15]

If the Lord wants me to, I will go to Asheville later this week and then to Greensboro to say goodbye. And if not, maybe holding a looser grip on plans and a more realistic view of my authority will help my recovery time and attitude.

Then I will pack my bags, hang out with family, and move to Bogota.
...Lord willing and the creek don't rise.

I ain't right in the head!

This week I began making plans for last travels around the state to visit friends, including a trip to magical Ocracoke Island this Sunday/Monday, a couple of days in Asheville with M&M (beach and mountains within one week!), then a final (for real this time) trip to Greensboro and a last visit to my church there. Add in lunch with friends and dinner with a cousin, and I don't have much time left at all! yipes!

After a few days of moping about not having a schedule, about being bored, about feeling aimless, I looked at the calendar and thought about all I'll be going and doing between now and February 2 and got a little anxious about how quickly this time is passing!
Transition is difficult.

But... can't I ever just BE? And be okay with that? Be content in whatever situation I find myself?
ontology = being

Lull

I don't quite know what to do with myself. There are times each day when I want somewhere to go, some task to do, something scheduled.

I have 28 days until I leave for Bogota.
I have a lot to read.
I have a couple artsy and craftsy projects to finish.
I have some appointments.
I have some things to check off of a list.

I am not used to having nothing to do.
I am ready for motion, but it seems farther away than it really is.

If this were merely a pause between the known, the routine, I would enjoy it. I can picture a hammock on an island, a month break from work, a dream! But I'm not a solitary creature; I need relationships to go along with all the reading.

Resolved:

Well, it's January 2009. My resolution experiment worked, as this blog still exists and is used from time to time. I've even heard that I have a few loyal readers, surprisingly enough. (Hey, Mike and Terri!)
And, now it is once again that time when I'm supposed to set goals for the year. However, I don't want to set a goal I won't keep, so I'll aim low:
1. Finish knitting these mittens
2. Move out of my parents' house
3. Speak more Spanish

Hmm... I predict I'll accomplish these goals within a month.

Oh well, here are some I know I can't keep consistently:
4. See others as God's beloved and treat them as such.
5. Take action against poverty
6. Gain more of an understanding of God's duality: complete love and complete authority

...and many more, but I don't want all of my shortcomings to be so obvious! ;)