Parenting is difficult. I know that's not a new idea, but it's becoming more and more real in my life.
We set rules and guidelines, and the decisions that the kids make bring them consequences, whether positive or negative. For example, L. didn't do her homework and her chore in time, so she didn't get to watch the movie. Bummer.
Li'l J. went into our bathroom (again) and filled up the liquid soap dispenser with water (again). Since it doesn't seem to make a difference that we've told him several times that he can't play with water, filling things with water (the toothpaste tube, the toothbrush holder, our soap dispenser...), he got a "pow pow". Bummer.
The older girls have an opportunity to earn an allowance every week, if they do all the chores we ask them to do (things like making their beds, doing their homework, helping take out the trash... basic stuff), and if they remind us to check off their list so we can all see what they've done and not. But when they don't tell us "Look, I cleaned up the bathroom, please check off the list" then they don't earn as much money. Bummer.
When I have to confront a kid for lying, or for not doing homework, or for disobeying, I have to follow through with the negative consequences promised. Plus, they lose our trust. Bummer.
When I speak in frustration and stress, it affects the kids and then we don't make any positive progress... except, I suppose, that I get another opportunity to learn about humility, apologizing, and working on relationship and communication.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
"Day Off" collage
Hot chocolate, bread and butter, cheese.
Cool and rainy outside; the buses and taxis pass by.
Warm and ivory inside; a booth to myself; pictures of Bogota in days gone by.
Day after difficulties; the tip of the iceburg pierced deep, leaving a hole.
Pen on paper; deep cries out to deep.
Failure? Purpose? Calling?: Questions.
Jeremiah 29:4-14.
Almost-tears in a downtown cafe.
"I've seen enough to know you're my only hope, I don't want to go... if you're not with me." -Chris Tomlin
Cool and rainy outside; the buses and taxis pass by.
Warm and ivory inside; a booth to myself; pictures of Bogota in days gone by.
Day after difficulties; the tip of the iceburg pierced deep, leaving a hole.
Pen on paper; deep cries out to deep.
Failure? Purpose? Calling?: Questions.
Jeremiah 29:4-14.
Almost-tears in a downtown cafe.
"I've seen enough to know you're my only hope, I don't want to go... if you're not with me." -Chris Tomlin
Friday, October 15, 2010
Beautiful
This song, by Bethany Dillon, expresses the "existential anguish" that I sometimes feel and the only satisfactory answer to this struggle:
"I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me
Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful
...
Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory
...
You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful."
In church last Sunday the pastor spoke about orphanhood versus son/daughterhood. The mentality of an orphan is that you have to EARN love. It is the spirit behind guilt-based works and life. This spiritual orphanhood, even for those who are God's adopted children (John 1:12 -- to all who believe he gives the right to become children of God), inhibits our fullness of life and our freedom to be ourselves.
If you haven't already self-identified with any of this (as I did as soon as the pastor started speaking!), ask yourself this question:
Do I feel loved, accepted, and valued for who I am, just as I am?
The TRUTH is that we are.
But to what point have we believed the lie, and let the brokenness become part of us, until we think that it's just natural and there's no way of escaping the orphanhood?
Holy Spirit, keep shining, bringing to light the lies that are so cleverly disguised. And break them! Replace them! Transform us through the renewal of our minds...
"I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me
Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful
...
Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory
...
You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful."
In church last Sunday the pastor spoke about orphanhood versus son/daughterhood. The mentality of an orphan is that you have to EARN love. It is the spirit behind guilt-based works and life. This spiritual orphanhood, even for those who are God's adopted children (John 1:12 -- to all who believe he gives the right to become children of God), inhibits our fullness of life and our freedom to be ourselves.
If you haven't already self-identified with any of this (as I did as soon as the pastor started speaking!), ask yourself this question:
Do I feel loved, accepted, and valued for who I am, just as I am?
The TRUTH is that we are.
But to what point have we believed the lie, and let the brokenness become part of us, until we think that it's just natural and there's no way of escaping the orphanhood?
Holy Spirit, keep shining, bringing to light the lies that are so cleverly disguised. And break them! Replace them! Transform us through the renewal of our minds...
Friday, October 8, 2010
le'ts put that theory in action...
Over the last few years, I've come across a couple of author's theories that really impacted me. They've come back to mind lately, so I thought I'd review them here:
1. Living ontologically
Obviously, this is where my blog title came from, and I got it from a book by Madeleine L'Engle, called "A Circle of Quiet."
Ontology is the study of the very BEING of something. In her book she mentions Moses and the burning bush, and how God was able to use the bush because it was BEING ALL THAT IT WAS MADE TO BE, no more and no less.
That is the goal.
This week I started reading the gospel of John again, and John the Baptist stood out to me as someone who really got it. When they asked him who he was and when they told him that Jesus was baptizing (aka. he's threatening your ministry, taking your place, making you less special and unique) J the B wasn't ashamed. He stated, "I'm the voice of one calling in the wilderness 'prepare the way of the Lord'." Nothing more, nothing less. "Just" a voice. Being exactly what he was created to be.
2. Life boat theory
This comes from a book by Donald Miller, called "Searching for God Knows What." His premise is that most of us, most of the time, live with the feeling that we have to prove ourselves worthy of acceptance and love and life. Therefore we try to use our looks or our abilities or our actions to impress others so they'll say we're good enough.
Imagine a shipwreck, and all the passengers ended up on the lifeboat, but there are not enough provisions for everyone to survive. Who gets thrown overboard and who gets to live? How do you decide?
We all think that we have to prove ourselves, or we'll be cast off and drown.
But Jesus came to invite us to a new "theory" -- not a new way to make sure to stay alive in the lifeboat, but rather to abandon ship.
This life is not a competition.
Trying to compete is exhausting and disappointing. I will never feel fulfilled and loved if I'm trying to prove myself worthy of it, or if I'm trying to make everyone happy, or if I'm trying to be the best at everything. That's what's so beautiful about Jesus: "God showed his love for us in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ dies for us." ... "And it is a gift, it is not of yourselves, lest any men should boast."
'I love you I love you I love you I love you,' is what He says, 'and it has nothing to do with your performance. I will never throw you overboard because THERE IS NO LIFEBOAT.'
1. Living ontologically
Obviously, this is where my blog title came from, and I got it from a book by Madeleine L'Engle, called "A Circle of Quiet."
Ontology is the study of the very BEING of something. In her book she mentions Moses and the burning bush, and how God was able to use the bush because it was BEING ALL THAT IT WAS MADE TO BE, no more and no less.
That is the goal.
This week I started reading the gospel of John again, and John the Baptist stood out to me as someone who really got it. When they asked him who he was and when they told him that Jesus was baptizing (aka. he's threatening your ministry, taking your place, making you less special and unique) J the B wasn't ashamed. He stated, "I'm the voice of one calling in the wilderness 'prepare the way of the Lord'." Nothing more, nothing less. "Just" a voice. Being exactly what he was created to be.
2. Life boat theory
This comes from a book by Donald Miller, called "Searching for God Knows What." His premise is that most of us, most of the time, live with the feeling that we have to prove ourselves worthy of acceptance and love and life. Therefore we try to use our looks or our abilities or our actions to impress others so they'll say we're good enough.
Imagine a shipwreck, and all the passengers ended up on the lifeboat, but there are not enough provisions for everyone to survive. Who gets thrown overboard and who gets to live? How do you decide?
We all think that we have to prove ourselves, or we'll be cast off and drown.
But Jesus came to invite us to a new "theory" -- not a new way to make sure to stay alive in the lifeboat, but rather to abandon ship.
This life is not a competition.
Trying to compete is exhausting and disappointing. I will never feel fulfilled and loved if I'm trying to prove myself worthy of it, or if I'm trying to make everyone happy, or if I'm trying to be the best at everything. That's what's so beautiful about Jesus: "God showed his love for us in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ dies for us." ... "And it is a gift, it is not of yourselves, lest any men should boast."
'I love you I love you I love you I love you,' is what He says, 'and it has nothing to do with your performance. I will never throw you overboard because THERE IS NO LIFEBOAT.'
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