seasons

Since February of 2009, when I moved to Bogota, I have missed the Seasons more than many other things in North Carolina. The changing weather -- from a wet, bone-deep chill to start off the year, in NC the daffodils, forsythia, quince, and the dogwoods' white blossoms appear to lighten the naked forest. After that, the trees bud into leaves, and those leaves deepen their green as the springy dampness evaporates and hangs, dense, in the air. After breathing 98% humidity during those summer months, the leaves begin to fade from vibrant green to gold, bronze, leather, pumpkin, and crimson hues. The air changes, abandons that heavy feel for crisp freshness and the excitement of autumnal expectation. The forest loses half her cloak as the deciduous sisters fall asleep. There may be snow - or just freezing rain - coating branches and stopping vehicles. We spend time inside, ideally by a fireplace; our diet changes too, from fresh produce to stews and hot drinks.

Yet, as other Carolinians breathe in the changes every few months, I live in a static, 12-month season. The Rolos (Bogota natives) say that here you can get all four seasons in one day. While it's true that the weather changes suddenly from hot and sunny to chilly and rainy, or anything in between, the air quality and the flora stay consistent. I miss my seasons.

As we close out 2011, I am naturally thinking of what 2012 will bring: what to expect, what to plan, what to attempt.
I expect and plan to continue in Kiwi House, with Formando Vidas. I find myself wondering if I should (watch out for that sense of obligation!) change anything, implement something new, set new goals with the kids or carry out new projects. Surely something should be different? Am I okay if not? Does God approve of what I'm doing, or doesn't he want something different?

Why am I feeling this pressure to change something?
The answer, I believe, lies in SEASONS.

I realized, today, that I may be entering into a new season of life, and that's why I feel a little unsettled.
From 1990 to 2003 (13 years!), I lived in the seasons of school - every year there was a new grade level, new classes, and new friends.
From then until 2007 (4 years), I changed even more frequently -- every six months there were new college classes, and every year I moved in and out of a dorm or an apartment.
For almost 2 years after that, I continued moving residences, as I worked two jobs. My main job was at a community college, which meant that three times a year I changed classes and students, experiencing the varying challenges of teaching and also of waiting tables!
Then, I came to Colombia for 1 year. (Intentionally understated, because that involved too many changes for a blog post dedicated to another topic!)
After my first year here, I went to do a DTS with YWAM -- a 6 month commitment that involved more moves and new people and challenges.
Now, I've been back for almost 1 1/2 years here, and I think I am so accustomed to yearly (or more frequent) changes that it has almost become a neccesity!

A friend of mine wrote me the other day, in a way that really encouraged me, as I was experiencing this doubt or unsettled feeling of needing to change something, yet not seeing what it could be.

...God has put that passion in your heart for [the kids]; He has filled you with an extraordinary love. Don't get discouraged if others don't have the same passion that you do... sometimes the dreams that God gives us are so strong that we can only understand them in our souls.
God has seen your perseverance; don't grow faint. You have planted, invested in the Kingdom of Heaven and I know that that seed will produce eternal fruit. You have been God's hands in the lives of each one of them: hands that give love, hands that accompany, hands that build lives and don't tear them down. Emily, I keep praying for your life, that nobody and nothing will take you out of God's purposes for you...

What words of encouragement and blessing! She didn't know that I was questioning the coming year, and what it SHOULD look like, yet she told me to "keep on keeping on."

I will press on, although I do not know what the future will be like, nor what it "should" be like. God has not directed me anywhere other than Kiwi House, Formando Vidas, Colombia. This new "season" calls for Perseverance Beyond the Short-Term.