Lifeboat Theory in action

How do I live increasingly in God's love, and not in a system, a structure, in a set of rituals, or rules, or in traditions and assumed truths?
And what about this "us and them" mentality that defines the Other, but doesn't delve into what that means or who the Other really are and why we feel that they are Other?
Like the word Liberal.
There is political liberalism and conservatism, and there is social l-ism and c-ism, all about different issues and to differing degrees, and within one person there are often extremes of both.
Yet I and others often have the idea that any two terms, two labels, cannot coexist. And attempting to verbalize feelings of the Other makes matters worse, because words are loaded. Culturally and individually.

This especially happens to me when I'm not even directly involved, but rather telling how two people or groups interacted and why one felt like the other was Other.
I don't go into detail (because it's not my story really, or because I want to allow a margin of privacy), and instead search for the lexical shortcut through the conversation, and butcher meaning with words.
If explanation is demanded I can use more words to say what I meant by "liberal atmosphere" or "Christian values". I can enumerate which "liberal" aspect was in mind, or to which "values" that are often (but not exclusively) promoted in Judeo-Christian circles I was refering.

I both love and hate words, for their beauty and use, and for their shortcomings.

But beyond that, how can I move past seeing others as the Other, taking shortcuts that increase verbal inadequacy and decrease relational possibility?

After writing this, I realized this is a prime example of Donald Miller's Lifeboat Theory: that we all act like we're in a lifeboat, and we have to prove our worth so that we don't get rejected and thrown overboard to drown.
I act like I'm in a lifeboat even though I don't want to. My value does not come from my "rank" in the hierarchy. I don't have to prove that I'm worth loving and accepting. I matter because I am one loved by God. How difficult a thing it is to try to live in the truth that the mechanism with which I've lived my whole life doesn't actually make any sense or have any value whatsoever.