The spring that never fails

"The LORD will guide you always, he will satisfy you in a sun-scorched land and strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, a stream whose water never fails." Isaiah 58:11


This morning I stood in church and listened to the songs, realizing that, beyond just being tired, I've gotten out of balance this week. Have I been avoiding God? Or just too busy doing, or to tired from doing, to set apart the time I need in order to be in relationship with the spring that never fails.

I rejected my spring of living water and dug a cracked cistern, that doesn't hold water.

This was the first time since being back from the DTS that I felt dry... in a sun-scorched land? I turn back to the spring. He will strengthen me, even when I'm tired. He will satisfy me; I'm not meant to live just getting by. ABUNDANT LIFE is what I want, and what he's offering!

Thanksgiving!

Reasons why this is the best holiday:
Roast turkey + gravy + potatoes + stuffing + cranberry sauce + green bean casserole + tossed salad + waldorf salad + coleslaw + yams + corn + spinach + bread.
BREATHER in the form of playing Apples to Apples.
Then:
Pumpkin pie + apple pie + peach cobbler + chocolate cream pie + coffee.

Mix this with a lot of people, and it's hard to beat!
The only thing missing was the red wine, my grandma's cranberry relish, and more pumpkin pie on my plate!

Christmas is a close second because:
It's an entire month, not just a day. There is lots of decoration. It has its own music! More awesome food. More time with family and friends.

Hooray for Thanksgiving and Christmas!

The American Dream

I remember when I wanted the American Dream.
To be "happily married" with a house, kids, and a white picket fence. I remember once when (a friend) said he'd totally marry (another friend of ours) and that she would really be into THAT picturesque life. And I thought to myself, "Don't you see that's what I want, too??"

And not that I've given it up... I've just seriously tweaked the idea.

I always thought that I would get married as soon as I graduated from college. That was my dream. But I didn't even know what I wanted at that point. Do I now?

When I see pictures of my peers, of former classmates and summer-camp friends, married with a couple of kids, and happy, there IS a part of me that wants that. But I want it here, in Colombia. Or I want it more mobile. I want it less-traditional -- with a menagerie of children-seeking-family, just like I seek family.
Yes, I have family, but is it enough? And they're far away. (Yes, this has been my choice, but I still miss them and still need family.) The ministry I'm a part of is supposed to be a "family ministry", but that should mean for me, for the staff as well, not only for the kids we take care of.

If I were living at "home" in the States, married, with a house and a couple of children... would I wonder what happened to my dreams?
If I had married when I graduated from college, single and unsure what my dreams were, I probably would not be here right now. And at some point, either now or in another twenty-five years, I probably would feel frustrated.

And maybe my friend could see, even before I knew it, that I would not be satisfied with that life. That, ever since God first spoke to me about mothering abandonded children, while I was still a child, I've carried that dream inside me. That I would have to follow that calling, to transform the "family model" I've known, to let God shape something out of this clay that will really be both beautiful and useful, not frustrated and little. To start from scratch, to take me to my full potential, even when I would've been okay with all I'd ever known.

This crazy dream I'm living is not the typical rendition of the American Dream. But in the sense of chasing your passion and making it happen... it is.

I honestly cannot imagine myself doing anything else at this point. Therefore I don't think it's insane, although it may seem that way to others.
Difficult? most definitely.
Worth it? that is my hope.
Enjoyable? I want to enjoy every day, as I wait to see how this American's Dreams will take shape in the future.

I'm pressing on...

Waiting.
Joy.
Prayer and meditation.
Activism. Hyperactivism.
Intercessory prayer: Standing in the gap for others.
Agape.

At least I'm growing. In motion. If we ever stop moving, life would be extremely boring. Not that I always move FORWARD, progress. And not that I go in the direction I want to... sometimes I think that's the most frustrating bit. What I set my mind to do, but then can't do because I have to learn and it's a process... or what I wish I could do, but the doors are closed to me... or what I want to grow in, but don't want to have to pass through the process.

The Desire for Immediate Gratification and the Idea that This Will Make Me Happy
vs.
Joy in the Process of Learning and Growing

What IS joy?
The joy of the Lord is our strength.
Jesus told us that we are loved, and we can remain in the Father's presence in order to make our joy complete.
Delight yourself in the Lord.
Hephzibah: My delight is in her. I am God's delight... ?!!
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus... who for the joy set before him endured the cross.

Hosea 6:3
"Let us acknowledge (KNOW) the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge (to KNOW) him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth"

present tense

I went away last weekend to a town called Anolaima. I wanted to swim and ride horses or at least a bike, to walk all over and do do do as much as possible in a short amount of time... but it rained. Which, it turned out, is what I really wanted and needed, because I got to sleep! I stayed with two friends, didn't have to sleep alone, woke up at 9:00(!), sat in a rocking chair and sketched a dying tree and prayed and RESTED. How wonderful that rest is just another beautiful part of God's creation!

Revelation during that time off: When I live thinking about the future I never actually enjoy that future when it arrives, because I'm immediately contemplating (or stressing) about the NEXT future!
Therefore, I am a few days into breaking this bad habit and learning to live in the present. How long will it take to break a 25-year-old bad habit and replace it with a good one?
When God spoke to me in Jeremiah 29, I felt him say "Live your Life, in the time and place where I have you! Don't hold back waiting for the future you long for!" That's when I wanted to cry, even though it was good to know God was answering my prayers. Tonight at small group (there's another answer to prayer... we're starting to get together to pray and encourage each other here at the farm!), Tony prayed thanking God that His will isn't only good for Him, it's also good for us. That is truly amazing. I choose to trust it, even when it goes against my will and wishes for immediate gratification.
Revelation brings conviction brings action. I don't necesarily know HOW to do this, but that's okay. In fact, I think that's part of the point... less self-sufficiency, more relying on God.



I apologize to the grammar nerds who thought that this post would be all in present tense. That would've been clever of me, but not as natural. :P