The American Dream

I remember when I wanted the American Dream.
To be "happily married" with a house, kids, and a white picket fence. I remember once when (a friend) said he'd totally marry (another friend of ours) and that she would really be into THAT picturesque life. And I thought to myself, "Don't you see that's what I want, too??"

And not that I've given it up... I've just seriously tweaked the idea.

I always thought that I would get married as soon as I graduated from college. That was my dream. But I didn't even know what I wanted at that point. Do I now?

When I see pictures of my peers, of former classmates and summer-camp friends, married with a couple of kids, and happy, there IS a part of me that wants that. But I want it here, in Colombia. Or I want it more mobile. I want it less-traditional -- with a menagerie of children-seeking-family, just like I seek family.
Yes, I have family, but is it enough? And they're far away. (Yes, this has been my choice, but I still miss them and still need family.) The ministry I'm a part of is supposed to be a "family ministry", but that should mean for me, for the staff as well, not only for the kids we take care of.

If I were living at "home" in the States, married, with a house and a couple of children... would I wonder what happened to my dreams?
If I had married when I graduated from college, single and unsure what my dreams were, I probably would not be here right now. And at some point, either now or in another twenty-five years, I probably would feel frustrated.

And maybe my friend could see, even before I knew it, that I would not be satisfied with that life. That, ever since God first spoke to me about mothering abandonded children, while I was still a child, I've carried that dream inside me. That I would have to follow that calling, to transform the "family model" I've known, to let God shape something out of this clay that will really be both beautiful and useful, not frustrated and little. To start from scratch, to take me to my full potential, even when I would've been okay with all I'd ever known.

This crazy dream I'm living is not the typical rendition of the American Dream. But in the sense of chasing your passion and making it happen... it is.

I honestly cannot imagine myself doing anything else at this point. Therefore I don't think it's insane, although it may seem that way to others.
Difficult? most definitely.
Worth it? that is my hope.
Enjoyable? I want to enjoy every day, as I wait to see how this American's Dreams will take shape in the future.