in time

You know, I really want to ENJOY life.

Yeah, there will always be routine, and in fact, I often like the routine. It makes the out-of-the-ordinary more special and... enjoyable. So I'm not demanding or even expecting constant giddiness, happiness, glee. Life is a cycle. My director here at Formando Vidas says to remember, in the dark moments, that there will be an upswing... and likewise, in the best of times, to remember that "this too shall pass."

What is it about living in the present that I find so difficult? What do I want? I don't KNOW what I want! Maybe that's the problem?

Our 14-year-old is planning her quinceañera (like a sweet 16 party, but at 15 in latino culture). She has said for years that she doesn't want a fancy party, doesn't want the typical -- an elegant dress, a dinner, to dance the waltz. Yesterday she decided that she does, in fact, want a dress and a party, but she hasn't expressed what she wants to do. Bibiana told her that she needs to be very specific because if not, she will have a big expectation and will be inevitably let down because we can't read her mind.
But maybe her mind isn't made up.

I think I'm just a bit tired of washing clothes and cooking and telling small children not to fight over toys and to please close the door for the umpteenth time and to eat all of their food and to not bother each other.

But the six o'clock sky was beautiful today. The clouds touching the western mountains were tinged with the burnished color of pure light, the color of the face of God. Above them streched out Apollo's trail, a band of pink clouds widening and dispersing where the sun had ridden his chariot down to the horizon. His wake was converted into a train for his cold bride; the half-moon directly overhead sat awaiting the dark and her glory, her slow procession down the aisle, flanked by millions of twinkling attendants.

I laughed at its magnificence and stood still, wide-eyed. And as I breathed the fresh air and took the last of the day's wash off of the drying fence, I spoke aloud Solomon's words, "He has made everything beautiful in its own time."

So I want to see, to appreciate, to live, to enjoy that beauty and that timing. My God is a joyful being. No student is greater than her teacher, but when her training is completed, she will be LIKE her master. Growing in joyfulness...