.Love.

We had orientation, to kick off the year. God spoke to us, as individuals and as a ministry. He's inviting us back to leading lives of prayer, intercession, listening to his voice, and waiting for his direction. Inviting us back to holiness and to the fear of the Lord. To repentance and obedience. Glorifying God and living in his presence. What an invitation!

Clemencia, a good friend and wise woman here in the ministry shared something that struck home in my spirit. She said that, years ago, she told God, "I don't believe that You love me." And He replied, "I love you." For two years she asked God WHY he loves her, and "What do I have to do for you to love me?" And for two years, he replied, "I love you." She told him, "Don't be stupid." And again and again he responded, "I love you."

I heard this the day after I'd cried when I said, alone, "I need to believe that I'm worth pursuing!" And again, I saw the God-shaped hole, and my own inability to fill it, and the imposibility that anyone else can fill that need... Immediately TRUTH said "I AM worthy of being pursued... because Jesus did!"
Before listening to Clemencia, my impulse was to put life on hold, waiting to 'get it right' and truly believe that God loves me, to be filled up to all fullness with that heart-knowledge. But maybe I will need those two years (or whatever amount of time... a lifetime...) to hear Jesus tell me over and over again, "I love you."
There's nothing I can do to make him love me more or less. I am loved. So instead of punishing myself because I don't get it, I'll just live my life... and wait to be continuously surprised by the passionate pursuit of my creator, my father, the author of my faith, my savior, my friend.

You are loved. So if you find that you're trying to earn God's love, just give up! You already have it! Why is it so difficult to receive what is already ours?