CONTROL

Hi, my name is Emily, and I have a control problem.
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Raising children, I wonder what the difference is between control and obedience. Obedience is a choice, and I want to be part of the process of these kids to learn to willingly choose obedience and its good consequences, even when they don't want to.
However, I sometimes wonder if what my actions and attitudes communicate that I want controlled children...

If I'm trying to read my Bible, or pray, or take a nap during the little ones' nap time, but I hear them out of bed playing, running around, getting into things that they know they shouldn't (examples: Taking cold bits of charred wood out of the fireplace to paint themselves and the floor. Opening others' closets and pulling everything out. Emptying the baby wipes to clean themselves, the furniture, their toys, other kids.), it drives me crazy! Even if it's not something that they've previously been told to NOT do, and maybe already been disciplined for that in the past... sometimes they just do things that I don't want them to, because it bugs me.

But these kids do not have to live to please ME.
They are people, and as such I can't control them.
But how do I teach obedience, and what things to I need to let go of in order to love them better and show God better?
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In church one day, after thinking through these things, there was a song that says "Mi mayor deseo es tu presencia; Tu mayor deseo es mi obediencia, y que te aclame" -- "My greatest desire is your presence; Your greatest desire is my obedience, and that I would acclaim/proclaim you."
Obedience. The CHOICE to do what pleases God, not out of fear or duty or control. Freely chosen. Because of love.
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Bibi was gone that weekend, and it was a tough time. There were 7 children in the house. But she needs time off, and friendships, just like I do. So why do I struggle against feeling like it's unfair and unloving for her to leave me alone? I recognize feelings of possessiveness, of jealousy, of "needing to be needed", of co-dependency, and of control. I recognize my life-long desire to be the chosen one, the best friend, the one and only... That always came into play when I felt like a friend or a boy was choosing someone else over me.

But other people -- friends, family, coworkers, the kids -- do not exist to fulfill me or to please me or to meet all of my needs!
So in the name of Jesus I prayed to BLESS Bibi's friendships and free time, to give THANKS for her weekend off, for her days off, for her current and future relationships and the social network that we all need. In prayer, I released her to be my FRIEND, not my SOURCE.
"Otras personas pueden ser un puente, mas no la fuente" -- others can be bridges, but not our source (of emotional fulfillment).
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I see where this is heading. I've invited that all-consuming fire in a little further, into the CONTROL PROBLEM, and it burns a bit! So far he's already ignited some major points:

I can't control God. (He's real and alive! He doesn't want to control me; he wants love-inspired obedience!)

I can't control my peers. (They don't exist to fill my needs. They need others and freedom. They are different than me! They cannot be and do all that I want, nor should they.)

I can't control the kids. (They don't exist to please me. They can't and shouldn't be controlled. How can we teach love-inspired obedience to authorities and to God??? They are KIDS -- don't be too hard on them or too serious!)