Dizzy, in a good way

God is coming at me from several directions lately, and I feel like I can't focus on any one thing. And I think that's good, although it's frustrating because I'm not able to think about several things at once.
Today I met with Marshall to talk about community outreach ideas in Greensboro and for my church, and he said that it's a really good thing that we have a lot of college students because (for one thing) young, single people with no children are often more willing or more able to take risks. It's so true. Feeling invincible has motivated me a lot of times, and on more than one occasion has gotten me into less-than-safe situations, but it's so wonderful to hear that God uses that!
When I think about the reality of Colombia, I realize there is some of that blind leaping going on. I will have communication problems, will make cultural errors, will feel lonely, discouraged, defeated, unable, and at some points unwilling, and yet... God is guiding me there and will meet me in that and continue to direct.
He is adding so many things to the pot and stirring it up. Some moments it feels dizzying. I'm exploring what it means to be human, and to live in that tension; what it means that I am caucasian, and American, and middle-class... and how those classifications affect me in relating to others; I'm trying to seek God's heart for the community I'm in now, and I'm also looking ahead to Colombia and realizing more and more and more that I really have no idea what I'm in for!
Why am I interested in community outreach here if I'm about to move to a different country? Why am I struggling through understanding the relationships between my physical self and my spiritual self right now (and why was that such a huge focus two weeks ago but now has subsided some)? Why am I interested in intentional communities and going to visit one in Durham this week if I'm not going to be doing that anytime soon? (Or am I? In Colombia? And what about after my lease is up here in Greensboro, but before I move to Bogota?) Where do I feel most drawn, and to what cultural communities?
In Being White, Doug Schaupp compares his experiences to baseball. Judging from his model, I'd say I'm at bat right now, and God is pitching a lot of ideas at me. Or maybe I'm on the way to first base, trying to figure out how to make it there. First base: Intentional displacement in response to the Gospel.

Normally, I would say that I'm trying to take on too much, but really I'm just reading a lot and putting out feelers to experiment and experience. It's really strange to not know where the "EmilyTrain" is heading, long term. To not have a general idea of what all of this will shape into. But it's exciting. Turn the heat up, Lord. And keep stirring, please.