Recently I have really been struggling in social settings where I am "the new one." I experience a lot of anxiety, inability to speak up even when I have something I would like to say, and feelings of being stupid, self-pity, and then self-deprecation.
What is up with all of this????
Is this something new? Or is it just that, before, I wasn't exposed to such situations as often?
As a kid, when I switched neighborhoods, churches, or schools I was with my brothers, or already knew at least person in the class. I was never ALONE in my newness.
When I went to college, and when I went to Chile for my DTS, all of the students were new, not just me!
When I came to Colombia long-term, I had already been once before so I knew a few people. All the same, it took me a while to get to know people before feeling comfortable to be myself, express my opinions, etc.
But the other week, when I went alone to a "young professionals" group at church, I felt mute when we were divided into small groups. When I left, I had to cry. If only I had been with a friend, I think it would've been way better!
Of course, I think that Spanish is a factor here. Yes, I am fluent, but I still feel self-conscious when I am surrounded by all native speakers, especially those who already know each other!
So, how do I get over this paralyzing fear? And what is the root? Do I need to know how it began to be able to overcome it?
2 comments:
Keep on keeping on. I know it sounds trite, but I think it's true... (speaking with empathy, NOT arrogance).
YOU don't need to paranoid, because you are walking where God has put you!
thanks, Rebecca! And, my Dad (ever the psychology professor/pastor that he is) sent me a very helpful email about social anxiety and God's promises. He basically said the same thing -- to overcome a fear, we have to keep facing it. So, memorize a scripture to help me and just walk on in there! :S
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