Yesterday I had a "getaway day." The plans I had been making for my weekend off fell apart as I experienced more sinus pain (I decided that going in a bus for about 9 hours up and down mountains would be excruciating). What I really needed and wanted was some time to get away from life and pray, to hear from God on some specific issues.
So I went up to the cabin, a tiny little house up the mountain from mine, and spent over 24 hours alone.
For those who know me well, you're probably wondering how on earth I managed! In college, when Mary came back tot he apartment after I had spent TWO hours alone, I would be so enthusiastic to have companionship again that I think I probably squelched any desire of hers to hang out with me! I'm not the kind of person who can be alone for extended periods of time.
All day Friday I was in Bogota, and came back up to the farm late. Bibi met me with the car, we loaded my stuff (food, water, books, guitar, art supplies) and she dropped me off at the cabin. I had freely chosen time alone, but when she left me I sobbed to God that I didn't want to be alone. Then, I slept.
All day Saturday, I was fine! I really enjoyed it, actually. I painted (don't like how it turned out, but I enjoyed the process, so it was worth it) I read, I prayed and journalled and read some more, I played guitar to begin and end my day... and I didn't feel lonely!
Today I was wondering about how that was possible. Is it that my life affords so little personal space and alone time that I have developed the need for extended periods of it?
Or is it that, as I cried out to Jesus in my solitude, he drew near and I was able to enjoy a day with him, instead of being swallowed up by loneliness and anxiety for human contact?
Either way (and maybe both) it was really great.
And about my questions and desires for the time with Jesus? On several topics, I feel like he pointed out how my views are skewed... and he lovingly set me straight.
I still couldn't be a hermit, and I still never want to live alone. But my "voluntary solitary confinement" wasn't bad at all!
2 comments:
Yeah! I'm glad it was good. I worked too hard on Saturday, and found myself almost in tears when the painting (I decided to do it, and it looks really good, so I'm glad I did) and grocery shopping were done, but the rest of the house looked like a disaster at 8 pm.and I was feeling overwhelmed and lonely. I made myself finish my room and the hall, and then did the rest of the housework before church, and then wondered why I let myself get so stressed about it. . . And now, I'm STILL waiting for Rae Ann to show up because her flight got delayed.
love you Emily, Laura x
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